Sibling Rivary

These security issues are why so many siblings don't get along:
spoiling children by ignoring their real needs vs. healthy negotiations
tough love vs. keeping the connection & healing any dis-connects
saying "no" a lot vs. creating kid friendly environments
telling kids what they have to do (outer discipline) vs. cultivating follow through skills (self-discipline) joyfully through example.

5 lessons parents can teach to help siblings to get along:

1. A-bun-dance

2. Joy

3. Centering

4. Negotiating

5. Sharing Time & Alone Time

1. A-bun-dance

Children pick up on all of our unconscious fears. "Scarcity Mentality" begins from feeling that we don't have enough time & money to keep up with the pace that was stressful before children... and now is even harder, if not impossible, to pull off well. The antidote is simply a feeling of a-bun-dance. (A poor family with a spiritually abundant focus can raise awsome well balanced children, because they do the best they can & focus the values of faith, kindness, & understanding. Simply go to thift stores and get lots oftoys there, no child ever needs to feel less abundant because of money,especially when there's all kinds of interesting things all around for everyone to play with... this is a feeling of abun-dance. This comes from a Wise-Faith that everything always works out... this is the real understanding that leads to feeling secure in life... (Not to be confused with a a blind faith that just believes to beieve in something... but a wise-faith that knows that everything is perfect for our growth, from a spiritual perspective.) Siblings need to be constantly reminded that there is always going to be enough to go around and treated fairly, yet age apropriately. Mostly, they need to feel abundant with love... through having all the things they essentially need. This is first symbolized in the Breast. That's why it's so important to feed babies on demand... immediately upon their first signs of "where are you?". Besides the health reasons, the intimacy of breast feeding is essential to a child's trust issues, for the rest of their lives. Take superfoods so you don't run your health down doing it, especially if you go longer than a year, which is highly recommended. Breast Feeding up to about 4 years old is OK... if they are weening slowly, as their confidence & security grows they naturally need it less & less. If they're getting obsessed with it, it's really about the relationship you have with them, not the milk itself.  So if that happens, consciously spend more time with them doing other things that establish closeness between you two that they only have up to now, associated with Breast feeding. Make sure you prepare the child about the eventual ending by talking about it as a natural course of life... give them some extra privileges & responsibilities to also honor their getting older. This way, by allowing them to feel more grown up about their decision, so that they walk forward with no unresolved issues about it.

2. Joy
Lead with your joy, and tune into what brings each of them joy. It very well may be different, so honor their differences.It also is very healthy emotionally, to let your baby sleep between you & your partner. (Even more so if a single parent.) This kind of security, from the very start can't be bought in a billion dollars of therapy! If we we're cave people we wouldn't leave our kid somewhere else in the cave... where they might get eaten or something. (& we'd all breast feed too, after all it's so much easier than making & warming a bottle of formula... there really is no comparision.) Well, our young babies feel that same need for security. They don't know yet that we don't have hungry wolves all around at any moment , that can eat them. They are in their most primal need state & still in shock after the trauma of birth, they need us to let them know that they are safe. And that they can trust that their basic needs are going to be met. That's why they like to be wrapped in a blanket, it reminds them of the womb they lived so long in.

3. Centering
One of the most important techniques that everyone, can use is learning to calm down when we get upset. Simply taking a deep breath is good... or any other personal method that feels right to you and is a way that you can be consistant with. Remember, if you have time to worry, you have time to pray... cultivate your child to get in touch with God... (Spirit &/or the force of your choice) make this force the highest authority, not you. This way they will connect to God themselves and together you can listen to God and consult together on what you feel God wants of you both.

4. Negotiating
This is a big part of confidence building and is what maked someone able to go for what they want out of life and feel they deserve it. (codependancy is what happens when theyb for what ever reason fell that they can't negotiate and if they do it won't be fair.) Being listened to and feeling valid build real confidence not telling them how wonderful they are.. showing them that thier opinions matter makes them wonderful.

5. Sharing Time & Alone Time
Kids need both and the most important is cultivating the ability to make good transitions between the two. They need to ask for what they feel in a way that is kind to everyone involved and when they do this... it needs to be honored. This is a big part of confidence building; to be heard and being listened to by others, as well as listening to what they feel themselves.